The show begins with Barney driving a bus to take some kids to school. As the kids get on, a girl named Susie offers Barney a Hershey's Kiss. But she gets slapped for it, because Barney is a diabetic. He then notices a boy named Billy smoking back at the bus. Barney then insists him on letting everyone have a cigarette, but Bobby says that smoking is bad for him. But that Purple Menace insults Bobby by saying he's seen a lot more worse things than cigarettes in his mother's mouth. Barny then decides to drink some beer while driving the kids on the school bus. But a boy named Tommy catches him doing the dastardly deed, but Barney has an idea. He tells the kids that Tommy called their mothers "whores". Billy and a few other kids begin beating the crap out of Tommy. Barney then drives to a drive thru drug store, completely ignoring the kids that are telling him it's the wrong way to their school. He then tells the drug dealer at the drive thru window to give him a 20-piece (or he'll bust a cap in his ass). He then tells the kids to give him all their lunch money or he'll kick them off the bus and leave them in Dorchester (which makes all the kids boo). But a little girl named Mary tells Barney that she doesn't have any money. Barney tells Mary that's fine and that he sees a nice shiny quarter just outside the bus door. Mary bends over to get it, but she is kicked off the bus and is ditched at the drug store. Barney then starts singing:
I drive the kids bus to school
but first let's stop to shoot some pool
a smoke and drink while taking you to class
and if you tell I'll kick your ass!
Barney then drops the rest of the kids at school and drives off.
- The other kids on the bus who's names are not mentioned
- Drug Dealer