This is the transcript for the lost Barney episode Evil Barney Bus Driver

(The music begins)

Barney:Hey kids, it's your pal Barney. And guess who's going to be your new bus driver. me. Oh boy!

(The children cheer and run onto the bus.)

Barney:(Makes weird noises and says,"Here we go!") Oh hop on kiddies!

Suzzie:Hey Barney. I bought you a Candy Kiss because I love you.

Barney:Oh, that's sweet Suzzie. But you know I'm a diabetic.

(Barney slaps the kiss out of Suzzie's hand and she runs to her seat crying.)

Barney:Now sit down and shut up kids, unless you want a big purple foot in your ass! Oh boy!

(Barney sniffs the air.)

Barney:Hey wait a minute. Are you smoking back there Billy?

Billy:Yeah, what's it to ya?

Barney:Well I hope you brought enough for the whole school bus. Come on, pass them around. Oh boy!

Bobby:But Barney, my mommy says smoking is bad for you.

Barney:Oh believe me Bobby. I've seen your mommy put a lot worse things than cigarettes in her mouth. Oh boy!

(Barney gets a bottle of beer, opens it, and begins drinking it.)

Tommy:Hey Barney! You're not supposed to drink and drive. I'm telling!

(The bus swerves.)

Barney:Whoa! Come here Tommy. Barney has a secret to tell you. Oh, come here, closer! If you want to be on the back of a milk carton, I'd keep that mouth full of metal shut! Hey kids, Tommy just told me that all your mothers are whores!

Billy:No he didn't! Did he!? Come on, get him guys!

(The kids beat up Tommy and cheer.)

Kids: Yay!

Another kid:Hey Barney, this isn't the way to school!

Barney:Barney has to make a little stop first. Oh boy oh boy!

(The bus stops next to a drug dealer.)

Drug Dealer:Yo Blue, what'ch you need?

Barney:I need a 20-piece, and don't gank me on the count this time or I'll bust a cap in your ass! Come on kids, give Barney your lunch money. Don't hold out or I'll dump you here in Dorchester! Come on, no one rides for free!


Mary:But Barney, I don't have any money.

Barney:Oh that's ok Mary. I think I see a nice shiny quarter right outside the door. Go get it! Go get it!

(Barney opens the door and kicks Mary out of the bus.)

Barney:Oh bye bye! I drive the kids bus to school. But first let's stop to shoot some pool. A smoke and drink while taking you to class. And if you tell I'll kick your ass!

(The bus finally stops at the school and lets off the remaining kids.)

Barney:Oh see you tomorrow kids. Bye bye!

(The bus leaves the school and the episode ends.)

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.